Despite numerous challenges to meaningful relationships at SROs, Jackie and Diann’s profound friendship has driven better health and weathered crises. This is our last installment in our three-part story featuring Maybelle Center member, Jackie.
[minti_blockquote]When we were out and about, people would ask, ‘Are you guys good friends?’ I said, ‘No, that's my baby sister. She just didn't stay in the oven as long as I did.’ And they'd start laughing. That's how I would introduce her to everybody. [/minti_blockquote]
There’s just no other feeling like it in the world - having a best friend that just “gets” you. You feel beautiful, stronger, and less scared of tackling difficult challenges. And even when things go wrong - which they inevitably do - they’re ready to listen and give you a hug.
Jackie invites us into her world of intimate friendship with Diann. It’s a story – in her own words – about how friendship bridged race, shifting love interests, and overcoming systemic challenges to friendship in an SRO.
Five years ago, we were invited into Jackie’s life through the Visitation Program at Maybelle Center. We have been privileged to walk alongside Jackie as she’s rebuilt her life. Just as Jackie is walking alongside Diann as she moves from her SRO into Macdonald Residence (our assisted living at Maybelle Center).
It’s a story that shouldn’t have been written. With so many hindrances to meaningful relationships at SRO’s, there was every reason for Jackie and Diann’s friendship to never get off the ground. Their relationship is evidence of a perpetually optimistic woman who spreads joy wherever she goes.
As you’re welcomed into Jackie and Diann’s relationship, it’s ok to feel a tinge of jealousy. Friendship is a beautiful thing.
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Q: How did you meet Diann?
A: “So one day I was sitting [in the lobby of our building] with a few people. And Diann came down downstairs…I said, ‘Hi, how are you?
‘Hi!’ Diann replies.
‘My name is Jackie,’ I said. ‘What’s your name?’
‘Oh, I'm Diann…’
‘How long you been here?’ I asked.
‘Oh, just a couple weeks.’
‘Well here you go - this is basically what we do,’ I explained. ‘So if you want to join us anytime, please do.’
‘I would love that!’ Diann said enthusiastically.
Playful jests must mean the friendship is taking hold
So we started talking from that day. As time went along, whenever people would start arguing and carrying on and getting to be too much, she and I would go back to our rooms and be on our phones chit-chatting with each other.
When her brother would come to see her, or somebody would come looking for her, I’d say ‘I'll go get her.’ I'd go knock on her door, and Diann would answer, ‘Come in.’
‘What are you doing?’ I’d ask.
‘Oh, nothing. Just sitting,’ Diann would reply.
‘Get out of this room, you're just isolating yourself,’ I’d tease. ‘Let's go. Let's get out of this building for a while. Besides, your brother is downstairs looking for you.’
Yes, family is more than skin deep
My kids would come and visit. And they would hang out with Diann too. And even if I weren't around…they would come and visit Diann, just to check on her. They would make sure she was ok. She was part of the family.
When we’re out and about, people would ask, ‘Are you guys good friends?’
‘No,’ I’d reply. ‘That's my baby sister. She just didn't stay in the oven as long as I did.’ And they'd start laughing.
That's how I would introduce Diann to everybody. They just thought that was the cutest thing. That's how we became the best of friends.
The buddy system drives better health
When Diann and I first started working out and getting healthier, she and I would walk. Literally, we could barely walk about half a block without having to stop and take an inhaler…And then we'd push ourselves to go to the end of the block, and halfway to the end of the next block. We kept pushing ourselves and pushing ourselves, to the point where we could do the whole block...
And eventually, I told [Diann], ‘this is it. We're going to eat healthy food…No more eating after 7 PM. And all soda is cut. It’s what we need to do, to be healthier…’
I lost over a hundred pounds. Diann started losing weight too….One day my son asked, ‘Did Aunty Di lose some weight?’
‘Yes, she has!’ I said.
‘I could tell,’ he replied.
So when I saw Diann next, I said, ‘Your "nephew” asked if you lost some weight.’
‘He did?’ Diann asked.
‘Yes,' I replied. 'David said could see it.’
‘Jackie, I didn't think nobody noticed!’ Diann exclaimed.
‘I've been noticing it,’ I said…‘I'm so proud of you…’
Picture a cheerleader and bouncer, all-in-one
When my boyfriend [now husband] and I started talking about getting married, Diann was so excited about it. She was my biggest supporter. Sometimes he and I would have disagreements when I’d be [on a phone call] in Diann’s room.
And afterward, I'd be crying, and she was encouraging me. ‘Jackie, don't let him worry you,’ she’d say. ‘Don't get upset about it. You know he loves you. He's going to call you back.’
And [my boyfriend] would call back, and Diann would take the phone and say, ‘Let me tell you something. Jackie is my protector. If I didn't have Jackie encouraging me right now, I don’t know where I would be…’
All he could do was just laugh.
I would tell him, ‘That's my best friend. That's my sister.’
‘I know,’ he said.
It hurts like tearing a bandage off the soul
When I found out Diann had cancer, I cried. I balled like a baby. I told [my boyfriend], ‘I don't want to lose my best friend...’
‘She's going to be ok baby,’ he assured me.
‘You know, I've lost too many friends already,’ I said through tears. ‘I don't want to lose another.’
‘Just keep being there for [Diann]. She'll appreciate you.
‘I know.’
And when Diann decided to move over here to the assisted living [Macdonald Residence], I was like, ‘I'm going to miss you girl. You're my best friend.’
It’s just temporary, my friend
Diann moved into the Residence at the beginning of [September]. I came over and helped her get everything put away, and get her room situated. And I hung up all her clothes and put all her socks in her drawers.
People were coming in checking on her, and they said, ‘You know, you have a good friend here.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ Diann said. ‘That's why I love her so much. Because she's really been there for me. She's been my biggest supporter.’
‘I'm always going to be that until I leave this earth,’ I added. ‘When I move into a house, you're definitely going to be out there. I'll come pick you up. Or you can take the lift bus out there. I don't care how you get out there. But you're going to be out there…’
Seriously, for better or worse…
She's been at [Macdonald Residence] a month now. It was hard for me. I've been coming over there and visiting her and hanging out with her. Just walking from my building to the Residence can be a really long walk [with her bad knee].
But I was with her yesterday. They did her CAT scan, they put her tattoos on her where they have to do the radiation. She goes in for her first radiation treatment next Wednesday [week of 10/22]. On my anniversary! And I will be there with her for it.
Her pharmacy nurse said, ‘As long as you continue to keep incorporating the healthy things that you've been incorporating [with Jackie], Diann, you'll be fine’...”
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Thank you, Jackie, for inviting us into your friendship with Diann. And for showing us how friendship can rise above the systemic challenges hindering relationships at SRO’s.
It’s a testament to the power and resilience of meaningful relationships. They propel us to better health, mentally and physically. And make life so much more beautiful - even amidst the thorns.
If we all could be so lucky to have an incredible friendship like Jackie and Diann’s.
That’s what keeps us going every day at Maybelle Center for Community.
Jackie, thank you for the privilege of walking alongside you on your journey. And we look forward to being part of Diann’s new community while she’s at Macdonald Residence (at Maybelle Center).
We know being down the block is not quite the same as living in the same building. But we’re glad that Diann was able to stay in the neighborhood, even as she needed an increased level of care. Hopefully, we’ll see you around even more frequently.
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Would you be willing to show you care by giving a donation?
Every penny will help.
Your gift today will be put to work immediately - to build community and connection with our neighbors. Neighbors like Jackie and Diann.
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This is our last installment in our three-part story featuring Maybelle Center member, Jackie. If you missed any of the previous segments, you'll want to read them now:
1. Part 1 - Reaching out in the midst of healing from trauma
2. Part 2 - Why are relationships tougher in an SRO?
